


Breaking Habit by New Years

by Drawkwamai



Series: New Years Adventures [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Cats are the best, Erwin is the boss at their paper company office, F/F, F/M, M/M, Marco has a kitty cat, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Other, Queer Characters, Totally homo Jean 2k14, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-25
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-01-13 17:06:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1234369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drawkwamai/pseuds/Drawkwamai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marco Bott never had much luck with love...or friends. At least his practically painful shyness was a good enough excuse not to go out and find the match to his necklace. Although, his job at the local paper company gave him a few friends who were more than willing to make bets on him finding love...by New Years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Early Morning Blues and a Need for Coffee

“This is not my day…” Marco mumbled under his breath as he slid his tie tightly around his neck and fixed his collar. He had woken up late for work and had to scramble to slide his grey suit on and grab a tie. He had even less time to slide his glass eye in and make his hair halfway presentable; Bodt hair—which was thick and baby soft—was nefariously hard to tame; he spent more time fixing his hair than he would’ve liked to, which left zero time to feed his cat, Sally. She had been found by Sasha, his co-worker, a few weeks ago and Marco couldn’t resist the little kitten. He always had a soft spot for cats even though he had grown up with dogs.   
“I’ll come back at lunch, I promise!” Marco told the tabby kitty as he bounced to slide his shoes on. She meowed at him as he tapped his heels against the ground to get his shoes on all the way. “Lunch. I promise.” He pointed at her as he opened the door to his apartment, grabbing coat along the way. She whined as he slammed the door shut in her cute face.  
He slid his coat on over his shoulders and quickly zipped it up. It was too cold to be walking around without a coat; it was also too wet and prone to sudden rain. If there was one thing that sucked about Trost was the rain. He reached the bus stop, avoiding a few puddles along the way, but when he got there he regretfully found that he had zero change hidden in the inside pockets of his suit jacket.  
“Wha..? Shoot…” Marco clicked his tongue, pulling the pockets out of his pants again.   
He groaned loudly and stepped out of the way of everyone who had change and he ran his hand through his hair. The bus sped off, leaving him in its puff of smoke wake. Anymore wasted time and he would be really, really late. But missing the bus in favor of taking the roundabout way via the Tube would equal him being in even deeper shit. He sighed heavily, his shoulders hunched dramatically as he adjusted his bag across his body. He jogged back up the sidewalk to his apartment, almost tripping on the slick concrete. He almost fell backwards down the stairs to his apartment before he breathlessly reached his door. He jumbled with his keys before he finally shoved the right one in the lock and shoved his door open. Sally’s ears perked and she hopped down from the couch, meowing loudly at him.  
“Sorry, it’s not lunch yet Sally…” He gave her a tired smile and snatched a few spare quarters from the bowl next to the door. He slammed the door shut behind him, carefully making sure it was locked before he turned to head back down the stairs. His phone squawked an embarrassing ringtone he had never bothered to changed and he precariously juggled the change and his keys in his hand to answer it.   
“Hello?” He answered breathlessly while jogging down the sidewalk. He shoved his keys in his pocket and buttoned the pocket to make sure they didn’t go flying out.  
“Where the hell are you man?” Connie asked with thick worry in his voice. Marco heaved a sigh and he slid around the corner, dodging several more people at a more reasonable walking speed.  
“Sorry man, I got to the bus and had zero change in any of my pockets. I had to run back to my apartment.” Marco explained and he could practically hear his friend cringe.  
“Shit, I hope you’re not late. Levi will have a fucking cow…” Connie griped and Marco rolled his eyes.  
“I know, I know…I’ll be there in five minutes.” Marco answered, the bus stop already in sight.   
“I’m gonna hold that to you Bodt. See you in exactly four minutes and fifty five seconds.”   
“Connie…!” The line cut off and Marco groaned loudly as he shoved his phone back in his trouser pocket. The bus arrived fifty five seconds later and Marco dumped the allotted change in the machine with a relived sigh. It was a pretty full bus so he decided that his one good deed for the day would be to stand despite that he was still heaving for breath.   
He peeked at his reflection in the glass windows and he cringed. He set down his canvas tote to fix his already messed up hair; He re-parted his hair down the middle and fixed it so it wasn’t standing up in the back with the help licking his hand. He fixed his loosened tie and carefully slipped his crest looking necklace back into his shirt. He looked around sheepishly and straightened out his shirt, discretely tucking the hem back into his pants. He looked a lot better now…  
The bus dinged and Marco grabbed the bar nearby so he didn’t trip as the bus slowed; the bus doors let out a sigh and opened, letting Marco out with his tote tucked across his back. He had to get coffee—it was a necessity for making it through the long morning of starring at a dull computer screen. The bus sped off and he walked down the street, heading for his usual place for the keep-me-awake juice: Starbucks. He glanced further down the street at a local coffee place and his face wrinkled a little. Maybe one day.   
Marco was a creature of habit and he rarely broke his routine. Rarely. Things had been messed up enough as it was in Trost since he moved here and he wanted a little bit of normal. And normal meant saving the hipster coffee place for another day. Well, at least until New Years rolled around. He vowed that next year he would break out of his routine like try that new coffee place or take Petra to a new place for lunch.   
That was for after New Years and he still had a week left to treasure his comfort zone.


	2. Who Said You Got a Break Marco?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco was never good at working a printer.

Marco groaned loudly and slammed the printer lid shut again, hoping that it would work—he would get the dumb machine to take the stupid cartridge and let them print. He tucked his tie out of the way and then cursed as he smeared black on it.   
“Shit…” He groaned, his eyes fluttering shut with a defeated sigh.  
“Don’t let Petra hear you talk like that.” Marco turned to see Sasha standing there with a stack of paper in her arms and a grin on her face.   
“I’m gonna get an earful from more than just her if the stupid printer won’t take the dumb black ink cartridge.” He mumbled and Sasha set her things down on a nearby chair with a huff.  
“Tsk, tsk Marco, you have a bad morning? The whole office is a little gloomy due to you being Mr. Johnny Raincloud.” She jeered and Marco groaned, his lips pursing.  
“Yeah, I was almost late and I got an earful of it from Connie and I smeared ink on my favorite tie. It’s fantastic.” He explained incredibly enthusiastically as Sasha tinkered with the silly printer, her tongue sneaking out of her lip gloss lips.  
“You probably need another cup of coffee.” She told him the usual as she slammed the lid on the printer shut. She grinned as it kicked back on and started spitting documents again like its life depended on it. “Ta-da! You just put it in the wrong way.” She did her signature jazz hands and honestly needed another cup of freaking coffee to the put the dumb thing in the wrong way. That was how things usually were. Bad client? Need another cup. Shipment went wrong? Grab another cup of Joe with three sugars. Cruddy ass morning? Maybe you didn’t drink enough coffee yesterday.   
“Kill me now Sasha…just slam my head in the copy machine and explain to Levi that I would clean up the mess if I was still alive.” He groaned and Sasha grabbed the end of his tie.   
“No can do Marco. You know I would get murdered for helping you and I would probably have to clean it up.” She licked her thumb and rubbed furiously tried to get the stain out. Marco was pretty sure she was making it worse.  
“Only caring about yourself Sasha…how could you be so heartless to me? And ruining my favorite tie more?” He whined sarcastically and Sasha laughed, patting his chest.   
“I have a Tide to go in my purse that I will let you use…” She told him and started pulling him by his tie back to her cubicle. Marco had no choice but to follow her, his lower lip puckering. Everyone else was working their butts off with ringing phones and typing on computer screens. Mina Carolina gave him a small wave as he walked by, her phone cradled in her neck like the sell wasn’t going so good. Thomas Wagner, the resident goof up intern, was playing with staples and paper clips, his phone laying on the desk as he hummed holding music.  
Sasha spun him around when they got to her cubicle near the back and she sat him down in her wheelie chair and it squeaked loudly in protest. She reached around him and under the desk, grabbing her purse, undoing several pockets before finding the pen.  
“Okay, so maybe you’re not completely heartless.” Marco said as she dabbed his tie with the stain remover. Sasha scoffed and rolled her eyes, rubbing the stained silk.  
“Don’t be too quick to say stuff like that Marco.” Connie warned from over the wall of their cubicle, his chair squeaking through the cloth walls. Marco had heard their chair duets in the late afternoons when everyone was holding their breath for closing time.  
“Shut it Connie.” Sasha replied, pouting a little.   
“You started it.” He griped back.  
“Shut up Connie.”   
“Come on, you’re on my side, right Marco?” Connie grabbed the side of wall and looked over the side, giving Marco the ugliest puppy dog look.  
“Uh, you’re on your own.” Marco raised his hands in surrender; he knew enough about his friends not to take sides. The Great Week with No Coffee solidified that belief for Marco. It was a wet and rainy day in October and Erwin had called off work by lunch time because Sasha was, quite literally, going to rip Connie’s head off. Sasha without caffeine was one thing Marco never wanted to encounter among many other things.  
“Ha, I win!” Sasha grinned and Connie groaned loudly, his chin dropping to the top of the faux wall in an even worse pout  
“Ugh, I hate you Sasha. You too Marco.” She giggled and closed the cap on the tide, the stain gone. She dumped it back in her purse and Connie slid back into his chair with a squeak.  
“I love you too Connie.” She replied and Connie groaned in embarrassment and probably blushed till his ears turned pink. “Well, you’re good Marco.” She patted his shoulder and he got up, examining his clean tie, front and back.   
“Thanks Sasha.” Marco grinned at her and she scoffed, pushing him out of her cubicle.   
“Yeah, yeah, repay me by winning that bet.” She said and Marco rolled his eyes.   
“No guarantees.” He saw Connie poke his head up again and he pointed a finger at him, giving him a look. “To either of you.” Connie huffed and rolled his eyes, sinking back down to his office chair as Marco walked away before he got himself caught up in more silly bets.   
They had gone out drinking on a Friday night and they had somehow, drunkenly, stumbled upon the lack of Marco having a social life. He was surprised it hadn’t come up before at the drunken time. It hadn’t helped that he had adopted, or rather given without a chance of re-gifting, his cat that very week. Connie insisted that he was never going to find the one; nobody would want a guy living in a studio apartment with a cat and an office job at a freaking paper company. Connie had also talked about how much they weren’t like the show The Office as well, so… Marco had rolled his eyes at that point since he was drunk at the time and it went in one ear and out the other.  
Marco strolled down the office and plopped down in his fancy office chair—it wasn’t all that fancy since his ass still hurt by the end of the day—and he picked up the phone. At least it didn’t squeak.  
He hadn’t always wanted to work in an office—it had been convenient to intern in town and then he had been told he could have a job when he finished school if he was good enough. He figured it was easy enough for him to just stay since he was good enough pushing paper and answering phones. He preferred to stay in town since he had a free place to get meals on the weekend—a home cooked meal. An Italian home cooked meal. Marco wasn’t ready to give up his grandmother’s infamous Lasagna at the time. Although, that had been two years ago and, no matter how good his situation was here, he felt like it was confining. It was to the point where Lasagna wasn’t cutting it anymore. Not even the Lasagna was enough.  
He groaned quietly, rubbing the crease of his eyebrows. Holding music blasted in his one ear and laid his head down on his desk. He was good for another ten minutes or so before Petra—or worse Levi—came around to check on them. He fished his necklace out from under his shirt and it clinked against the desk.  
No matter what he did, his charm remained ice cold against his skin. Not a single club or bookstore or coffee shop in town made the charm heat up. Not a single person he met gave him that tingly and warm feeling in his chest. He figured maybe he could go up to a bigger city and that would do the charm. Although a sober Sasha told him that he had his family around and that Trost was worth a second chance; there were several new shops around town—including a coffee shop –and she said he could run off to where ever he wanted to go after he tried those new places. She also recommended that if he got desperate enough he could sneak into people’s homes. Marco had disregarded that advice a while back, but it was appealing when he felt particularly cruddy about it.  
She had still said he would find the one.   
Connie insisted that it was a long shot and the big city was the place to be.   
Marco just wanted an honest to God break from everyone.


	3. When the Work is Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco spends a lot of time talking to his cat.

“You ready to go Marco?” He looked to see little Krista poking her head in his cubicle with a small smile. Her tiny manicured fingernails drummed on the fabric wall. “It’s five.” She glanced at his little clock on his wall and Marco tiredly looked to it.   
“Huh. Hadn’t noticed.” Holding music was blasting in his ear so he just hung up the phone and swung around in his chair, stretching his long legs out. “Why are you bugging me? Don’t you have a ride to catch?” He asked with a soft chuckle.   
“Ymir can wait a little. Besides, Sasha and Connie already left and Levi wasn’t far behind the two of them. Petra had to pick up Hanji so she left early and everyone else was out of here at five on the dot.” She explained, still drumming her fingers against the faux wall. “I was about to head out when I saw your light still on. I didn’t want you on hold all night.” She chuckled, scratching her cheek.   
“Ah, thanks a lot Krista.” He smiled crookedly at her. He shrugged on his suit jacket and shoved a few extra papers in his tote before he slung it over his shoulder.   
“No problem. Ymir was a little late anyway. I’m sure she’s here by now though.” She added, turning to walk out with Marco, pulling out her phone when it buzzed in her pocket.   
They took the stairs like everyone usually did and Marco held the door open for her. She sweetly thanked him an orange car honked loudly.  
“Hey Marco?” She asked, quickly wagged a finger at Ymir to tell her to wait for a moment. “I know it isn’t really my business, but I…uh, overheard the stuff about your bet with Connie and Sasha. A lot of the office knows actually.” She cringed when Marco sighed heavily, his eyes falling half shut. “B-But, if you ever wanna go someplace with someone, I’m more than happy to go with you. Ymir works down at one of the new coffee shops and she’ll even go with you.” Krista offered, giving him a hesitant smile   
Marco scratched his chin and he chewed on the inside of his lip. “Alright, I’ll take you up on that deal sometime.” He smiled back at her. He needed to get his ass in gear and this was the perfect chance to get it done. Well, maybe it was the chance to get it done.  
“Cool! Maybe sometime this coming weekend?” She asked, already walking towards Ymir’s car.   
“H-Huh?!” Marco’s mouth dropped open and he stuttered.  
“Great! Saturday morning at eight; don’t forget!” Krista gave him a thumbs up, opening the car door, throwing her bag inside.  
“W-Wait Krista!” Marco called in a panic, but she was already inside her car. He watched as they disappeared out of the parking lot and he groaned loudly, smacking himself across the face. “Way to go Bodt…” He grumbled to himself, his whole body seeming to deflate.   
This Saturday was three days away—three days to prepare himself to try something new. Trying new stuff didn’t bother him to an extreme degree, but he enjoyed doing it on his own schedule and at his own pace—which was a very slow pace.  
Marco gathered himself up and walked out of the parking lot to head down the street to the bus stop. Frequent teasing when he was younger for having freckles left him withdrawn and resistant to new things; high school had been a nightmare for him and his painful shyness.   
He caught the next bus and found the bottom half full, so he climbed up to the second floor and found it mostly empty. He still stood in the back since his legs were pretty antsy from sitting all day anyway and he was still on overload over what Krista had said.   
Now that he thought back on it while he looked down at his feet, he really hadn’t had any friends till he got into his internship program and met the two goofballs he was still sharing an office with two years later. They were the best friends Marco could ask for, but them being together left him with a new feeling: loneliness. He wanted the connection the two of them shared; something intimate, something were somebody understood his aversion to new things.  
The irony wasn’t lost on him and he chuckled bitterly as through people to get off at his stop. He readjusted the strap of his bag and walked with heavy feet up the street to his apartment building’s parking lot. His keys jingled in his hand as he climbed up to the second floor and he was greeted by the loud voice of Sally when he got inside. He flicked on the light and shut the door with his hip.   
“Hey sweetie…” He picked up the already purring kitten and held her close against his neck. He kicked off his shoes and walked with her to sit on the couch; he lovingly rubbed her under the chin, her purrs filling the silent apartment for a long while. Marco enjoyed the half silence of his apartment with his cat. “Mhm, good kitty.” He kissed the top of her head and set her down on the floor so he could get up.   
He wandered down the hallway to his room, changing out of his grey suit and into his usual white pajama shirt and Christmas themed sleep pants. They had been a Christmas gift and Marco figured it was still the appropriate season to wear them. He scratched his chin and walked back down the hallway to the kitchen, followed by Sally who he presumed was practically starving if he purrs were anything to judge by. She meowed at him and jumped on the counter top, rubbing her against his arm as he fished around in the fridge. He grabbed some leftover Chinese and smelled it before deeming it was safe enough to pop in the microwave and eat. The heat would kill any lurking germs.  
He dished out some hard food for Sally in the mean time and he swore she was half done with it by the time his food beeped at him a minute later. She quickly followed after him as he headed into the living room and set his food down before plopping down on the old couch. It squealed in protest and it squeaked when he grabbed his laptop and food. Before too long, Sally was laying above his head on the back of the couch, purring in his ear.   
“You love me, don’tcha Sally, hm?” He asked her as he reached up to scratch her ears. “Mhm, you don’t care that I have a coffee appointment on Saturday, don’tcha?” He clicked his tongue and took a bite of steaming fried rice. Sally rubbed her head against his hair and Marco chuckled softly. He set his rice aside and grabbed his computer, quickly unlocking it with a slid of his finger. “You are just perfectly happy to sit and watch daddy do his homework, arent’tcha?” He sighed and took another bite as his Internet Explorer loaded. Marco hit his favorites and scrolled down to the workbook he needed to get done tonight. He scrambled around his laptop, trying not to accident close it as he grabbed his reading glasses case and popped it open, grabbing out his electric blue glasses. He had bought them when he was feeling brave and swore he would never wear them out in public. They were his “homework” glasses.  
Along with his job, Marco was studying for what he really wanted to do: be a History teacher. He wasn’t entirely sure why teaching seemed so attractive to him, a painfully shy, single guy with a cat. Maybe it was almost stupid obsession with history and his big heart wouldn’t let him keep all of that for himself. Teaching seemed to satisfy both of those and as it turned out he wasn’t half bad at it; pretty good actually if he could past all the little eyes starring him down. Although, the schedule of tests and homework often filled his evenings, which was completely fine with him; it just bothered Connie and Sasha on occasion who liked a good Friday night bar hop.  
But he was so close to finishing his classes and getting the degree. He had even been letting himself look at job openings in Sina as a reward for an evening of doing workbooks and writing papers. He was ready to get out of here and try and make it in the big city. He was almost sold on the idea, but their bet hung heavy in the air. He had promised to try and his grandmama, bless her soul, would smite him if he didn’t give it his best effort. The Bodt’s were infamous for not only their hair, but for their big hearts and a reputation for never breaking a promise. And Marco wasn’t going to break a tradition that went back to his grandmama’s grandmama, god rest her soul.

His eyes were getting heavier and heavier as midnight approached and it didn’t help that Sally had been snoring in his ear since ten. She had pestered him early for not going to bed at ten like he usually did, but she still stuck with him like the daddy’s girl she was.   
“One more…” Marco mumbled to himself, pushing his reading glasses up to rub his teary eyes. He slapped his freckled cheeks to wake himself up and he leaned in to focus on the problem at hand. After ten agonizing minutes he got the right answer and slammed his computer shut. Sally jumped and quickly sat up; she cried out in protest when Marco got up, sending her flopping onto his old spot. She meowed at him indignantly and Marco went to pick her up, giving her a nice rub under the chin as they strolled down the hallway. He kicked the door shut behind him and set Sally down on the floor.   
He practically deflated when he hit the mattress and he messily climbed under the blankets, his foot sticking out, but he was too lazy to fix it. Sally hopped up on his pillow and waited almost patiently for Marco to get settled in and kick the blanket over his exposed toes. He gave her a good scratch behind the ears and she settled down next to his head. Marco reached into his shirt and pulled out his charm, the dull metal shining faintly from the street light outside his window. He rubbed over the ice cold metal crest and sighed faintly; he traced his fingers through the shape of a unicorns head before letting it fall back against the mattress.  
Hopefully New Years would be the answer. It had to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy, information-y stuff on Marco. The kid FINALLY talked to me the other day and THANK YOU FRECKLED JESUS OR THIS CHAPTER MIGHT NOT HAVE COME.


	4. FRECKLES ; )

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco's morning doesn't start off on the right foot, but maybe it won't be too bad in the end

The morning brought a blaring alarm to his ears and a mild cuss word from under the sheets. Marco’s leg stretched out from under the sheets and his hand reached up, quickly smacking the alarm. His arm retreated back under the covers, but he ended up knocking over his glasses and an empty water glass from a few nights ago and he groaned loudly. He squeezed himself up into a freckled ball and within moments he was snoring quietly again, his reading glasses and the empty glass forgotten. He enjoyed a few more moments of much needed rest before Sally jumped up and land on his head, reminding him that he did have a job at stake and sleep was a commodity he was often quite short on. He resigned himself to a tired morning and sat up, picking up Sally in the process much to her dismay.  
“Good morning sweetie.” He kissed the top of her head and she meowed, quickly squirming out of his hold and onto the floor where she looked up at him indignantly. Marco chuckled faintly and pushed his hair out of his face only to have it stick up like the fluffy hair it was. He sighed and wandered down the hall to the bathroom, scratching under his shirt in the process.  
It was almost a quarter to seven by the time Marco came out, butt naked and his hair still wet. He stepped around Sally and headed back down the hallway to his bedroom, shivering at the cold are against his freckled skin. Sally was waiting for him in the kitchen, up on the countertop like always, when he came out fully dressed in a dark brown suit, complete with a waist coat and a blue tie. His mother had insisted that he had to look nice for his job and she also insisted that suits where the best on him, so he had more than enough pants and jackets to wear for the work week. Marco secretly loved wearing suits and especially waist coats; he had really nice tweed one that was for really, really nice occasions. Marco peeked in the cabinet and found no coffee to speak of; not even a speck hidden behind the boxes of cereal. He groaned softly and ran a hand down his face; Starbucks had a nasty habit of not being open till seven and, sadly, that’s when the meeting started. He could either go without caffeine…or find somewhere else. Marco wasn’t quite sure which one sounded worse.  
“There you go Sally.” He filled up her food dish and water dish, pushing the thoughts of coffee to the back of his mind. “And what kind of daddy would I be if I didn’t pet you?” He asked and rubbed the back of her ears and under her chin, making sure to give her as much love as he could in five minutes.  
“I’ll be back at lunch.” He stroked her from the top of her head to the tip of her tail before he walked out of the kitchen, grabbing his canvas tote on the way to the door. He grabbed the umbrella in the corner and peeked out the side window to check the weather before heading out into the brisk morning to find some source of caffeine. 

He actually had change for the bus this morning and he took a seat since he was actually really tired this morning. He did not like early morning meetings; Erwin said they were better than after work meetings and lunch meetings.  
The call of caffeine still called for him when he was on the bus, so he got off at his usual Starbucks stop. He glanced across the street with a depressed look aimed right at the darkness of unopened Starbucks. He regretfully casted his eyes further down the street and spotted a small, local place that had lights on inside of it and people were going inside.  
He swore he had seen that logo on a cup in the office before…He turned and headed down the street, the logo getting more and more familiar. Now he remembered: Erwin got his coffee there every morning. Apparently the owner was a good friend of Erwin’s and was Petra’s partner. He vaguely remembered that Levi got his coffee there too. Well, it couldn’t be that bad...He jogged across the street and narrowly avoided a car in process, the loud horn waking him up a little more.  
A few people walking out of the café chuckled and Marco’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment. He opened the door and stepped inside the warm café, pushing his fluffy hair out of his face, the flush disappearing. Wow, it smelled good. He held his tote close, moving to get in line while scanning the menu. It might work to get what he usually got at Starbucks—the coffee couldn’t be that different then Starbucks, could it? Maybe it was better…or worse. Nah, it had to be halfway good for Erwin and Levi to get coffee from this place. Levi was pretty sour at anything that wasn’t up to his standards.  
It was a pretty homey place actually—very café and quaint. The place seemed old and well loved. A good well loved—like the softness of a well worn favorite shirt or the way your blanket still smelled like your house after you left home. There was a wallpaper of coffee framing the ceiling and the rest of the shop was a softer, darker red and a golden yellow. Marco liked it; it reminded him of home and the coffee places his mother and grandmother had talked about.  
“Can I help you?” A huffing voice broke him out of his thoughts and he blushed bright red, his eyes shooting to a grumpy girl poised behind the register. “What’cha gonna get freckles?” She asked, her lips puffing into a frown.  
“Uh…” Marco swallowed hard and glanced up at the menu, his eyes racing. The girl sighed quietly, her bright green fingernails drumming against the register impatiently. Marco swore he was going to sweat right through his waist coat, the whole room suddenly too hot. He swore everyone was staring at him, looking too hard and too long. His breath picked up a little and he swallowed hard to avail.  
“I’d recommend the plain coffee or the hot chocolate.” Marco quickly looked away from the menu to the other barista who was busy cleaning a cup and his chest seemed to instantly relax. “Ymir’s just sour early in the morning.” He chuckled, earning a glare from the girl.  
“Hah, so funny Jean.” She replied sarcastically and Marco chuckled faintly, relief continuing to wash over him. It didn’t feel like everyone was watching him and he didn’t feel like he was going to melt into a puddle.“I don’t do five in the morning.” She huffed, looking back at Marco. “So what’ll it be twinkle face?” She asked again, still pouting.  
“I’ll have a plain coffee.” He said, going to pull out his wallet, his hands barely shaking.  
“Didja get that Jean?” Ymir asked back to him. Instantly, a lid hit her in the back of the head and a steaming coffee was resting on the counter a moment later.  
“Mhm, I kind of made a guess that you were gonna go for the coffee.” Jean said, giving Marco a wink. He gave Ymir a pat on the back despite that it looked like she was gonna murder him by glaring daggers.  
“T-Thanks…” Marco blushed faintly and wiped his hand on his pants before he took the cup from the counter, going to take his spare change from the girl.  
“I’m gonna stay after late and eat all of your muffins Jean, I swear to god I will, mark my words.” She said as Marco went to walk past the other café goers to the door.  
“Oooh, so scary Ymir! I’m quaking in my boots!”  
“Mark my words Kirschstein! I’ll make your life hell here and then it’ll be hell at home since there will be no muffins. None!” Marco saw her grab a little stirring straw and toss it at him and Marco blushed, watching his face bloom with laughter. Marco quickly swallowed and quickly turned to walk away.  
His heart had a funny warmth to it and it felt funny in his chest; it had been kind of, maybe, obvious that the guy with the undercut might have been hitting on him? Maybe? Marco quickly shook his head, his face bright red. He starred down at his coffee cup to shyly hide it as he waited for the bus. He climbed on the bus and as he sat down, he spotted writing on the side of his coffee cup. Where his name would normally have been there was, written in all caps with a winky face, FRECKLES ;)  
Marco swore he was going to die. He was going to melt into the floor and die right there on the bus at six forty five, complete unaware that that devilishly handsome, hipster dude was already his.  
Yup, he was done for.

Marco had stopped blushing by the time he got to the office, but the fact that FRECKLES ;) was written across his coffee cup didn’t help the fact that he could, and probably would, bloom bright red at any moment. So he kept his eyes down and away from his coffee cup the whole morning meeting—ignoring the strange glances from Connie and Sasha. He always concentrated in meetings, but the fact that he had a new type of coffee and ignoring it was pretty perplexing and distracting for the two of them. Marco had heard Sasha suggesting throwing a paper airplane, but Levi’s glare silenced the both of them. Marco was pretty sure neither of them knew how to fold a paper airplane either.  
Erwin clicked to the end of the slide show and everyone got up and shuffled out. Marco quickly picked up his notes and tucked his coffee cup under his arm, scurrying from the conference room to his cubicle. He plopped down his chair and dropped his head to his desk, letting out a long and low groan. He gripped his hair and kept on groaning; his face was burning and he was shaking.  
He huffed and glanced at his coffee cup, FRECKLEs ;) starring him in the face. He groaned again and put his face back against his desk. Why was he still embarrassed about it? Well it had been the first time somebody had saved him like that…or given him a wink like that and a smile like that. Nobody had ever been quite that nice to him and he didn’t even know his name. He wanted—he really, really wanted to go back, but it was terrifying. He was scared out of his mind and he had a sinking pit in his stomach. He kept on groaning into his desk and running his hands through his hair with aggregated sighs.  
“Uh…Marco?” He quickly sat up and spun around his chair, his face still bright red. Krista blinked in surprise and she raised an eyebrow. “Are you feeling okay? You were acting weird in the meeting…” The blonde held her papers close to her chest and she looked him over.  
“Ugh…it was that noticeable..?” He groaned, his eyes scrunching closed.  
“Pretty much.” Her lips pursed and Marco put his face in his hands. “Did…something happen this morning?” She asked and Marco took a moment, staying completely still.  
“Okay…so I got up this morning and got down to where all the coffee shops were and Starbucks wasn’t open so I looked down the street and there was a different shop that was open. Like the place Levi and Erwin and Petra get their coffee. So I went inside and the lady at the counter seemed to want to get my order pretty quick—she was really crabby—and got really, really nervous so I was stuttering and it got really hot. Suddenly, this guy from behind the counter spoke up and suggested for me to get something and…he made all the nervousness go away. He was really causal and my chest felt all funny and…Krista he winked at me as he handed me my coffee and I walked out and saw him laughing an-and it was…I d-dunno..! He wrote FRECKLES on my coffee cup Krista! With a winky face! FRECKLES with a winky face!” Marco explained at the speed of light and Krista leaned against the cubicle wall, occasionally nodding. She knew exactly what had happened and she had a plan. A big fat plan.  
“Okay, okay, I get Marco…!” She stopped from flat out blabbering and she put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Remember how I asked you to go to the coffee shop with Ymir and I later in the week?” She asked and Marco nodded, swallowed hard. “Tomorrow morning we’re gonna go there for brunch since it is the weekend. They have good breakfast-y food.” She told him and everything made sense. He could go there…with people and not be alone. He wouldn’t have to face him on his own and everything would be...pretty great.  
“O-Okay…” Marco swallowed hard and he looked a lot better than earlier. Krista nodded and patted his cheek, giving him a small smile.  
“We’ll be by at ten to get you.” She added, patting his cheek before she turned to walk away.  
Marco swallowed hard and looked down at himself. Tomorrow; he could handle brunch. He could handle it. Couldn’t he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marco's longer chapter that I've been meaning to pound out for a while now. i was blocked on this for a while partially because I was working on editting a really long JeanMarco fic that I will hopefully get finished by the end of the month. 
> 
> Hopefully only a few more chapters left! ^^
> 
> EDIT 4/20/14: I have reworked some of Marco's past chapters since I felt they weren't as good as some of Jean's and there was some stuff that just didn't quite line up. I'll be hopefully posting the changes tomorrow or later this week


	5. Mission Status: Fucking Successful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco can actually handle breakfast with Jean giving him awkwardly fantastic smiles.

Marco stumbled out of his apartment at five freaking am and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. He looked down at himself just to make sure he was fully dressed despite that it was still halfway dark outside. Oh well…Krista and Ymir would make sure that he looked presentable for work and…that freaking guy that made Marco’s chest feel all weird. He made sure to hold onto the railing as he walked down the slick with dew stairs. Marco remembered now of all times that someone had broken their ankle on the stairs and he didn’t want to become someone discussed on rainy days like these.  
He spotted an orange car with its lights on parked nearby and he remembered to look both ways before rushing through the early morning drizzle to the car. The passenger window rolled down and Krista poked her head out, her blonde hair pulled up and out of her face, he eyes shining.   
“Good morning Marco. Hop in the back and we’ll be off.” She patted the side of the car and grinned like the sun that would hidden behind the clouds all day. Marco smile crookedly back at her and he pulled the passenger door open. He quickly tossed his tote in the opposite seat and plopped in the car and huffed, his eyes falling halfway.   
“You okay Marco?” Krista asked and Marco saw her peering over her shoulder to look at him.  
“I was up late…” He mumbled, reaching across his body for his seatbelt. He peeked in the review mirror, going to smooth his hair down.  
“The coffee is freakish at Hanji’s place, so you’ll be fine.” Marco glanced over at Ymir who was looking over the seat to pull out. Marco wiped his wet hands on his pants. “Levi drinks the tea all the time and he’s an insomniac; it makes him halfway decent if you put three sugars in it.” Ymir explained and Marco chuckled quietly.  
“Huh, I always thought he would be a coffee drinker. Didn’t think that he would be into tea.” Marco chuckled nervously and Krista giggled.  
“Oh yeah, he’s a big tea drinker. He drinks coffee at home and then has a cup of tea at the café. He’ll usually have a cup to go too.” Ymir said and Marco blinked in surprise.   
“Anyway, ask Eren, his partner, about him being a butt. He’s got tons of stories of Levi being an ass.” Krista said and Ymir rolled her eyes before pulling out into the sparse early morning traffic.   
“Eren used to be a grad student of Hanji’s before he dropped out to do a YouTube gig. He’s an ass anyway.” Ymir mumbled, her lip gloss lip puckering.   
“Too true…He can have his moments though.” Krista reached over and patted Ymir’s thigh and the freckled girl shook her head. “She’s an ass this early in the morning.” Krista mouthed back to Marco and he chuckled softly.   
“You should’ve seen him the day that Eren and him met. I wasn’t working there yet, but I was having coffee there and, geez…” Ymir shook her head and Krista rolled her eyes. “Anyway—“  
“And that’s all we need to hear because you missed the turn into the back.” Krista said and Ymir slammed on the brakes   
“Shit!” Ymir cursed, Marco’s seatbelt catching him. But the belt didn’t stop his empty stomach from lurching. “You’re useful…” Ymir grumbled, her lips puckering as she looked out the back to make sure it was semi-okay to just back up.   
“I’m always here for you babe.” Krista said with a sassy grin and Ymir rolled her eyes as she turned into a narrow alleyway between the corner shop and an apartment. “Anyway, I’m sure Hanji will let us hang out till opening. Maybe we’ll get one of Petra’s muffins.” Krista winked at Marco as Ymir pulled into a tiny corner spot and cut the ignition.  
“Huh, I’ve seen Levi with muffins before. I didn’t know they were from here.” Marco mused as he got out of the car, grabbing his tote from the other seat. He quickly put his tote over his head, the mild rain still dripping from the grey clouds.   
“They’re Levi’s favorite muffins; if you wanna get on his side, bring him those muffins.” Krista pointed a finger at him as she quickly followed behind Ymir.  
“Jean always snags them before he leaves in the evenings.” Ymir mentioned and Marco nodded, his cheeks filling with a little bit of blush. Ymir twisted the knob and shoved the door open with her shoulder. “I hate the rain…” She grumbled and Krista patted her shoulder as she slipped inside. Ymir let Marco in before her and she let the door slam shut, giving Hanji as much greeting as they needed.   
“Is it gonna storm?!” Hanji yelled from her office as Ymir hung her coat up.   
“I don’t think so. It’s just supposed to rain in the morning like usual.” Krista called back and instantly Hanji appeared in the doorframe between the back door and their office.   
“Huh. Sounds okay. Hiya Krista; how’ve you been?” Hanji said, sparing Marco a side glance. “Y’know, Erwin and Levi never tell me anything about what happens at the office.” Hanji crossed their arms and Krista giggled.   
“What happens at the office stays at the office Hanji.” Ymir called as she scooted past Marco to head down the narrow hallway to what looked like the main part of the shop.   
“Ah boo! You’re no fun Ymir...!” Hanji’s lower lip puckered and Krista looked to Marco with an added shrug. “Anywho, who is this Krista? Maybe that dashing dude Jean oogling yesterday?” Hanji asked, crossing their arms and looked Marco up and down, wet jacket and fluffy hair included. Marco’s mouth went dry, but Krista quickly filled in.   
“This is Marco. He works at the same paper company as me and he did come in here yesterday.” Krista grinned, lightly elbowing Marco in the side.   
“Ah, I knew I recognized his face!” Hanji grinned. “I’m Hanji Zoe, the owner of this fine establishment. You probably know Petra; she’s my partner.” Hanji offered their hand and Marco quickly took their hand.   
“Huh, Petra is my supervisor. It’s nice to meet you ma’am.” Marco said and Hanji waved their free hand before their hand dropped.   
“Just call me Hanji. Not a big fan of the professional titles.” Hanji said smoothly and Marco nodded, albeit a little hesitantly. He wasn’t used to being so casual, but…Krista was here and Hanji seemed nice enough. Ymir was iffy, but Krista seemed to be enough reassurance that she was alright. And the bet was worth it…hopefully.   
“I bet if you ask Petra nice enough when she gets here she’ll give you a muffin.” Hanji said, giving them a wink.   
“Better ask as soon as she gets in that door. Hanji’ll eat all of them!” Ymir called from the front and Hanji rolled their eyes, going to get up.   
“I will not! Marco is too cute to not save him one!” Hanji said, glancing at the clock before squeezing past Marco and Krista to help get the shop ready. Marco blushed dark red and Krista looked up at him, giving his shoulder a gentle nudge.   
“You’re okay…” She quickly reassured him and went to follow behind Hanji. Marco swallowed hard and carefully went to shrug his coat off. She was right; he was perfectly fine...  
“Maybe you shouldn’t give him one; he’ll whine all day about not getting a muffin.” Ymir warned and Hanji scoffed, shrugging their shoulders. Krista was sitting at what looked like a bar and she patted the seat next to her, giving Marco a soft smile.  
“He can deal with it; he did take home a bunch of muffins and I promised him a few anyway.” Hanji said and Ymir chuckled, upturning four coffee cups. “How do you like your coffee Freckles?” Hanji asked, glancing at Marco who was sitting down.  
“Oh, um, I like it with two sugars and some cream.” Marco answered, not stammering for what felt like the first time in his life.   
“Fine choice!” Hanji grinned, reaching for an upper cabinet to pull down a huge container of sugar.   
“You need a bit of milk and sugar even if you like it black. Hanji’s shit is strong.” Ymir said and Krista chuckled. Hanji filled a smaller container with sugar cubes before picking it up and walking out from behind the counter to the coffee condiment station.   
“Too true.” Krista agreed, shaking her head as Ymir filled the cup with a dash of cream from a container hidden behind pastries set out beforehand. “This coffee has nothing on the office coffee. This coffee eats office coffee for breakfast.” Krista pointed as Ymir set it down a filled and stirred cup in front of Marco.  
“Hey, Mike drinks in black.” Hanji retorted, their lower lip puckering as they carried the sugar back behind the counter, scooting past Ymir.   
“Mike is a doctor.” Ymir replied, giving her boss a look. “Mike is also six foot three.” She added and Hanji rolled their eyes.   
“Nanaba has tried it before. They liked it!” Hanji retorted, going to grab a stool to reach what looked like an IPod on the highest shelf after the sugar was safely stored away.   
“Nanaba is like you and Mike had a baby.” Ymir countered, going to pour her own cup since Hanji hadn’t bothered with it. “Blonde like him with the ability to tolerate coffee that peels you enamel off if drank black and you’re level of crazy to drink it in the first place.” Ymir huffed and Krista laughed. And Marco found himself chuckling with her, a smile curling on his lips.   
He couldn’t remember feeling like this anywhere but at home. It was…wonderful. Marco didn’t know why he hadn’t come in here earlier. He knew he would’ve been here almost every morning if he knew the people were so nice…in their own special way of course.   
Suddenly, the back door slammed shut, getting everyone’s attention in the shop.   
“Jean?” Hanji called back, hopping down from the counter that had become a suitable sitting place for the moment. A soaking wet red beanie suddenly came flying down the hallway along with a loud groan. It made a wet slap against the floor and Marco made a face somewhere between confusion and curiosity.  
“Never again Hanji!” Jean croaked and Hanji stifled a laugh. “That rain fucking sucks!” Marco blinked and felt a pit in his stomach starting to form.  
“It supposed to clear up later..!” Hanji called and Marco hesitantly peeked by Krista to see Jean picking up his hat as he walked down the hallway. Jean had abandoned his coat on one of the hooks and dumped his backpack on the ground. He kicked his soaking wet shoes off along with a pair of grimy socks in favor a pair of black flip flops.  
“Later doesn’t matter as much as fucking now.” Jean flipped and flopped down the rest of the hall after grabbing his apron. He paused at the sink where he went to wring his hat out.   
“It’s that bad?” Ymir asked, going to tug on his wet shirt. His grey sweats were soaked up to his ankles and his hair was a fluffy mess. Marco blushed a faint pink and looked down, distracting himself by scratching at stain on the side of his cup.  
“Yes, it was that bad.” Jean answered, going to smack her hand away with his hat before slipping it back on his wet and fluffy hair. “It fucking sucked.” Jean mumbled, turning to look at just the right moment.   
Marco froze when Jean eyes landed on him and he swallowed thickly, his hands curling against his coffee cup. His back straightened up and the only sound he could hear was the pounding of his heart. Everyone’s silence didn’t help either. After a moment that lasted too long for his taste, he tore his eyes away and looked down at the milky coffee half finished in his cup. He didn’t know if he could finish the rest of it now…  
“You just want coffee or do you want a muffin to go with that Freckles? Petra should be here before too long and I can hook you up then.” Jean asked and Marco quickly looked up again, his eyes wide. Jean gave him one of the warmest smiles, albeit he was trying a bit too hard, but his face instantly heated up and his stomach flipped in the best way.  
“Uh, s-sure…I-I’d like that.” Marco answered, forcing a smile back at him as his back slumped with relief.   
Krista gave Ymir a sideways glance and Ymir rolled her eyes, but a smile pulled on the edges of her lips. Mission status: fucking successful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter basically covers two of Jean's chapters since Jean is butt and has more going on. But, on account of the long hours with my summer job, I might not be able to write this summer or the writing will be far and few. I have most of chapter six for each of them and the rest of the plots planned out. It all just needs to be written. Hopefully I can get a chapter out by the end of the summer, but no promises guys.


	6. Fight or Flight at its Fucking Finest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had fucked up; no he was fucking it all up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a long summer this is finally done guys. Sorry it took such and extend amount of time. These first few weeks of college have been hard to adjust to; they've added plenty of fodder for me to draw from for this chapter though.
> 
> If it wasn't clear already, Marco struggles with anxiety--especially social anxiety as you will find out in this chapter. I am drawing on a lot of personal experience for this story. I wanted to do these notes first just in case this is a problem for any of my readers.

“Thanks…” Marco took a second cup of coffee off of Jean and sheepishly looked down at it for a moment. Krista had left not long after the shop opened, giving the excuse that she had work to do. Judging by the looks Ymir had been giving him for the past half hour it had all been a big plan. Marco didn’t know whether to be angry or disgustingly happy; maybe some stupid unimaginable combination of the two that would just leave him a pointing and stuttering mess.  
Jean gave him a stupidly perfect smile before he turned to take care of an actual paying costumer instead of giving Marco free coffee. Marco glanced at Ymir and met her eyes. He gave her a wicked look and she rolled her eyes, making a little heart shape with both her hands while the faucet filled up a dirty mango and peach filled blender. Marco’s face instantly filled with bright red and he hunched down to take a sip and hide his face behind the bright yellow cup. Ymir snickered and turned back to the coffee machine right in time to get an order from Jean.   
“So..?!” Hanji almost instantly appeared at Marco’s side and he almost dropped his coffee all over himself trying to put it back on the bar.   
“Geez Hanji…” Marco carefully put his cup down—he only spilled enough for one napkin—and Hanji jeered.   
“You’re fine…” They said, quickly shifting to the elephant in the room. The big ass elephant in the room. The big ass elephant that kept giving him stupid, silly, completely ridiculous grins. “So…Jean, eh?” Hanji pointed out and Marco blushed all over again, ducking his chin against his chest. “Mhm…Je-an…not much of a French man I can tell you that.” Hanji nodded, their lips pursing. “He tries too hard.” Hanji mused and Marco suppressed a laugh into a strange nasally scoff.   
“I can’t deny that.” Marco said, his lips narrowing to suppress a grin. “But, I dunno…there’s something weirdly charming about it.” He said and glanced at Hanji to see them giving him a weird look. “What? That’s weird?” He asked and Hanji shook their head, wiping their expression away into their infamous goofy grin.   
“Nah, you’re cool Marco.” They said, going to pat his shoulder. “Weirdo for a weirdo I guess.” Hanji said and Marco chuckled softly and glanced up, seeing Jean giving him a sideways glance from the register. Jean gave him a wicked badly good grin and Marco knew it would be the death of him. A weirdo for a weirdo indeed.  
“Heyy…” He felt a jab in his side and whipped his head to give Hanji a look that wasn’t nearly that convincing with a blush all over his face; it was starting to seep into the tips of his ears and further down his neck.   
“Hey Hanji! Don’t creep him out too much!” Jean said and Marco chuckled weakly, looking down as he shuffled a little out of his seat to get comfortable again. He was actually going to get comfortable in a place full of people he didn’t know. Wow, way to go Marco the little cheerleader in his head was doing leaps and bounds.   
“You’re the one to talk with that grin. Don’t think I don’t see those cheesy ass grins. Some of them are kind of creepy too.” Hanji retorted and Marco put his face in his hands.  
“You’re soooo funny Hanji!” Jean retorted and Marco peeked at him through his fingers as he looked away. Marco caught him rolling his eyes and Marco’s heart skipped a palpitation. Several palpitations to be exact.  
“I try Jean-y boy.” Hanji teased right back and Marco glanced at them as they stood up and went to walk by.   
“See you later Marco!”  
“Yeah, I’ll see you later.”   
Marco’s hand lifted to wave to them, but his hand bumped someone behind him. Suddenly, the cup in their hand went flying and crashed into his shirt, spilling scorching coffee before falling to the ground with a CRASH that silenced the whole shop.   
“……” Marco’s eyes went wide and he quickly looked up, gripping the counter as the coffee soaked through his shirt and burned his skin. Silence still hung heavy in the shop and with every passing moment the sound of his heartbeat grew louder and louder.  
“Marco…” Marco quickly looked to Jean who spoke his name over the silence of the shop. Marco’s heart started to pound even louder, their eyes meeting for a moment. He quickly looked away, his cheeks flushing a dark red. He squeezed his hands together, shaking all over. “It’s just a spill, no big deal.” Jean said and Marco took an unsteady footsteps back through the coffee as Jean got closer.   
“I-I’m fine J-Jean…” Marco said, the panic growing stronger and stronger in his stomach, reaching for the rag like it would keep him anchored to the world rather than falling down and crashing. “It’s just a l-little sp-spill…” He stammered, his fingers brushing Jean’s as he took the rag. An electric shock suddenly ran through the both of them, making Jean flinch back half a step. That was all he needed to know that it was right…that Jean was his and he belonged to Jean. Marco’s hand clenched up and he carefully looked up at Jean, his eyes trembling.  
He had to run…  
He had to run; irrational panic was getting the best of him...Jean’s hand gently touched his arm and he quickly shoved Jean out of the way and ran through the coffee, shoving the front door open with his shoulder. He tripped on the way out of the shop, scraping his hand on the concrete as he righted himself and kept running. He had to run…he had to run...  
“Shit! Marco!!” He heard Jean shout from down the street and his chest clenched in sobs; tears blurred the street in front of him and a car horn blared as he barely missed getting hit. It was too loud, there were too many eyes on him, there was too much in his head. The panic welling up in his chest to the point of being painful made his hands shake and everything grow more and more desperate. He had to run.  
“Fuck, Marco—I’m sorry!!” He heard Jean yell and he shook his head, the sobs and the running almost too much for his chest. Marco spotted a bus stop ahead and he looked back, spotting a bright red double decker bus slowly coming to a stop.   
Perfect.  
“Fuck, Marco! Stop!! Fuck, please stop!!” Jean yelled and Marco didn’t think twice as he shoved past the people getting off to clamber on. Marco ran up the stairs to the top of the bus, but he still heard the loud THWAMP as Jean pounded against the door.   
“Marco!! Stop!!” Jean yelled, pounding against the glass and Marco sobbed as he watched him from above. Marco put his hands against the windows, sobs blurring his vision to rain against glass.  
“S-Sorry Jean…” Marco whimpered through his sobs, squinting his eyes shut as the bus lurched to a start. Marco sobbed loudly, gritting his teeth through his harsh breaths. His hands clenched into fists against the windows and he opened his eyes.   
“Marco!!!” He heard him yell one last time and Marco watched through blurred eyes as his vague shape slowly melded into the surrounding. Marco squinted his eyes shut sobbed again and again, tangling his hand in his own hair. He wrapped an arm around himself, his sobs filling the bus as pain filled his chest.   
“S-Sorry J-Jean…!” Marco whined through his teeth, his eyes squinting shut to try and stop the flood of tears. But his eyelids were no dam and they still poured down his cheeks. He coughed and gritted his teeth, unable to stop the tidal wave of what just happened from crashing against his mind’s eye over and over again. He couldn’t stop the racing thoughts just like he couldn’t stop the flaring pain in his chest and the endless tears. He couldn’t even pull himself away from the window, his shaking and the flood leaving no room for him to move.   
He had fucked up…He had fucked up. He had fucked up.  
He had fucked up the one good thing he might’ve ever had; it had been the one thing he could’ve had but it had been lost the second he touched the rag and shoved him away. It had ended when he gave Jean that look—the panic flaring, flight or fight look of desperation. It was all over. Everything was done.   
He wasn’t going be breaking any new habits this year…

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this post: http://aparacium.tumblr.com/post/53961903986/dongstrider-im-really-weird-psyducked-i
> 
> A lot of this fic was, and still is, inspired by my recent trip to London and the street I walked everday to head to the Tube. Plus, Passenger's album All the Little Lights fuels a lot of my early afternoon binge writing. Marco's song is Life's for the Living if you wanna know bits about his character in this fic.


End file.
